This is me Rain (Korean Terran)
English is not my first language, so please take into consideration!
So, as some of you might know, I moved to United States in 2014 to attend community college, and finally I transferred to 4 years university earlier this year. I just wanna write a story about myself, who dropped out of high-school, and how much I am struggling right now due to lack of my educational experience.
The main reason why I decided to retire was simply because I was not doing well. I was doing pretty okay, but I was not able to compete at the top level anymore. Even before I started programming, I knew at one point I had to go back to study, and it was the perfect time for me. At the time, I could speak a little bit of English, and I was enjoyed learning the language more than anything else. Therefore, I decided to study in U.S, and found a community college in Sacramento CA.
I did pretty okay in the junior college, and I transferred to University of Illinois at Urbana Champagne aka UIUC. Its a pretty decent school, and I'm kind of proud of myself about it. But after I transferred, I'm struggling a lot.
Not only because the materials I learn is a lot difficult, but also I don't really know what I wanna do. I'm currently a Chemistry Major, even though I originally wanted to be a programmer. I just vaguely thought that something related to computers would work out well for me, and that is why I chose to major in Computer Science. I took a bunch of programming classes in Community college, and I figured out this isn't my thing. So I had to make a quick transition to Chemistry which was the only subject I enjoyed and did well at the time.
Now I start losing interests in classes I am taking. Calculus 3 is whooping my ass so hard, I will probably have to drop the class soon, and physics and other subjects... I'm not doing well either. I start asking myself.. "is this what I really wanna do for the rest of life?"
And now that I think, I never really had a time to think about what I really wanted to do and it is too late to change anything. I'm 24 (Korean age 26), and I haven't served in military yet which is mandatory for most Korean males. So that is automatically +2 years, and I have +2 years to graduate. So I will be around 28, when I am ready to make money.
All the Korean kids I met here are younger than me, and finished their military service. And it makes me ask myself what I have done with my life. Yea. I wasted too much time trying out new things and see if I can do well. I did internship in WCG for 6 months, and I found out working in a Korean company would not work out for me, I tried to be a LOL player right after I retired, and that did not work out either. I even took a semester off to become a pro poker player. I should have realized that I am not young enough anymore to mess around with my life.
Someone asked me what do you really wanna do after you get a degree, and I was not able to answer it. I just vaguely answered I wanna work in the lab, and I know that is a total bs.
Yea I feel lost these days. I don't even know what I really wanna do or I can do. I don't have motivation for anything. Starcraft was the only thing I truly enjoyed, and I don't wanna think I wasted my life on playing Starcraft. It is still one of the best experiences in my life.
Chemistry would be the last thing I would try or I can try, and if this doesn't work out... then.. I don't really know what to do.